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A Fresh Coat of Turd Polish

Always Entertaining, Often Dead Wrong

New Song! "Christmas in Bizarro World"

(Holy crap, how long has it been? Let's see if I still remember how to do this LJ thing…)

Christmas in Bizarro World (MP3)
Christmas in Bizarro World (Ogg Vorbis)

So Threetails and I had come up with the idea for this song about three or four years ago, and I'd been slowly picking at it here or there but never really being serious about finishing it until this year. I asked Pepper Coyote if he would be interested in doing vocals on this song, not telling him what kind of song it was or even expecting a response. Well, the very next day, he gives me a bunch of lead and backing vocal tracks, and they are just killer. The guy is an absolute pro. I even got him and his roommates to do the intro, which also rocks. Pepper also helped out with the mix and really just made this song so much better than it would have been without him. So thanks to Pepper and all his friends, and a Merry Bizarro Christmas to all of you!


Everybody's gearing up for that special time
See the sleigh bells roast and hear the chestnuts chime
And mutant reindeer rising from a pool of green glowing slime
'Cause it's Christmas in Bizarro World!

When dorky-looking sweaters you will never see worn
Instead of candy we eat liver, sauerkraut, and creamed corn
And the Salvation Army's making all-male porn
It's Christmas in Bizarro World!

It's Christmas in Bizarro World
Jack o'lanterns hung all over the place
And if you stand beneath the misletoe
You just might get shot in the face

Oh, it's time for kids to get the toys and treats they crave
But you only get presents if you misbehave
So hurry up and throw some nickels in the microwave
'Cause it's Christmas in Bizarro World!

There's a zombie Santa crawling up the bathroom john
And nativity scenes appear on every lawn
Of baby Jesus and the shepherds fighting Megatron
It's Christmas in Bizarro World!

Boys and girls will be lining up to sit on Satan's lap
And he'll give them candy and cakes from his windowless van
You'd better keep your eyes open for a jolly, fat, bearded man
'Cause the feds have been chasin' him from town to town
He's knocking off convenience stores and burning houses down

Here, we grunt our carols backwards
And pull horses around in a sleigh
And Topsy-Turvy Hannukah
Is now a Buddhist holiday
And it may seem a little bit shocking
People shouting, “Hope your holiday sucks!”
We don't hang any wreaths or stockings
In fact, no-one really gives a present. Why?

'Cause we're busy hiding eggs and shooting fireworks
The kids still have to go to school, but we don't go to church
The tree at Rockefeller Center's just a pile of dirt
'Cause it's Christmas in Bizarro World

Everybody's celebrating and feeling high
'Cause of all the marijuana in the pumpkin pie
And there isn't any snow because we're still in July
But it's Christmas in Bizarro World!

It's Christmas in Bizarro World!

Written by Kobi LaCroix
Vocals by Pepper Coyote
Intro voices by Mohr, Karnyth, Cosmo Shepherd, and Pepper Coyote